You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
