you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
