Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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