I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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