i permit you to call me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
