His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
