My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
