There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
