I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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