they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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