i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
