White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
