I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
