Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
