Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
