I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
