it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
