Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
