It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
