Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
