i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
