ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
