the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize