Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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