just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
