he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
