three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
