Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
