I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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