yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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