According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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