The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drake has all the answers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
