how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
