I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
