my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
