I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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