sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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