He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
