I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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