I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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