I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
