I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize