Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
