This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize