well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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