Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
