i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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