please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
