I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
