At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
