I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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