Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
