The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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