i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
