I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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