my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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