So drunk its hurt
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
