I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
