My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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