And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
