apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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