I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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