Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have aggressive nipples.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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