what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
