May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
