Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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