Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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