Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
