I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
