i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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