strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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