I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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