Pregnant stripper...not hot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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