i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
