I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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