i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
