I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
