I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
