hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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